


So Maybe Love Is A Form Of Crying

by incompleteicarus



Category: Class (TV 2016)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-23
Updated: 2016-11-23
Packaged: 2018-09-01 14:48:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,084
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8628520
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/incompleteicarus/pseuds/incompleteicarus
Summary: Ram returns home after "Detained" (ep 6) and Varun is a supporting shoulder, as always. 
"So maybe love is a form of crying. Or maybe / it’s our way of finishing what the leaves have started / and turning a brilliant color before we hit the ground." - Catie Rosemurgy.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [LaVoileBlanche](https://archiveofourown.org/users/LaVoileBlanche/gifts).



His dad called him from the kitchen as he entered the house; a soft voice with that steel that could only come from parental concern. Ram ignored it. His head was spinning, the weight of the confession he released sitting on his chest. He had told her everything and she-

“Ram?” His dad called again.

He didn’t say anything in response. He turned himself inside out as he relived the words April said with that _fucking_ rock in her hand; she didn’t love him the same way, not as much as he loved her, she was scared. He knew she was the one, the only person he ever wanted to be with and she… she didn’t know that about him.

Ram’s hand was still resting on the coat pegs, his breathing slow and calm. It was almost funny, that disjoint between his body and his mind. He was thinking too fast, his head was running away with him, while his body was frozen.

Varun walked to the doorway of the kitchen, a tea towel thrown over his shoulder and his hair slipping from under his turban. He saw his son, hunched over in front of the door, and the words died on his lips. Ram’s shoulders were too tight, locked.

“What happened?” he asked, not expecting an answer.

Ram blinked, his hand drawing itself back from the wall and dropping to his side. He shook his head. “Nothing.”

“I’m making dinner.”

Silence. Ram didn’t know what to say to that. He nodded slowly, turning to face his dad.

“It will be ready in half an hour, if you want to eat with us.”

That broke Ram’s heart; Varun’s understanding voice tinged with pain. Ram breathed, this time it was a shaky deep breath and his heart was hammering again and he couldn’t breathe properly. He couldn’t breathe. It hurt so much.

“I- I’m gonna go to my room.”

His dad nodded.

Ram dragged his body upstairs; his leg feeling the way he moved now, the connections working perfectly. He pushed the door open with an outstretched palm. His room, his sanctuary from the insane world outside, was empty. He didn’t know why he was expecting something else.

What had happened today was that he had learnt the girl of his dreams thought he was moving too fast, that his love for her was too quick and too much, which meant that she didn’t love him the same. It didn’t matter that Charlie felt _guilty_ , or that Tanya _felt_ like they only put up her, or even that Matteusz was… _whatever_. Ram’s _worst fucking nightmare_ had come true.

April didn’t love him.

His body lay itself down on his bed, his shoes still on. His heart was hammering, beating its way out of his chest. He couldn’t breathe. His throat was closing. Except he knew all of that wasn’t happening, his body was perfectly ok. His mind wasn’t.

She didn’t love him.

He looked over to the window, where he last saw Rachel. The plant-spectre Rachel, not the real one. His chest hurt again, the kind of hurt that dragged a noise out of him. He couldn’t breathe. He’d lost her, but then he’d met April; this weird, smart, kind, innocent, King of the Shadow Kin, alien-yet- _human_ girl. She had helped him, reminded him it was ok to be hurt sometimes, reminded him that it was ok to feel things that he didn’t like, reminded him that he could be a reckless idiot for other people’s benefits.

April didn’t love him.

And he, like an idiot, had fallen in love with her. She had his heart in her palm. It wasn’t just that she shared her heart with a Shadow Kin any more, she had complete possession of his and today, in that fucking prison, she had torn it out of his chest in front of everyone.

She didn’t love him.

With every beat of his heart he felt the knife sink a bit deeper, the pain rolling across his chest and down to his stomach. He felt like he was going to be sick, the way his stomach pulled and twisted as he thought about her.

April didn’t love him.

He loved her, more than anything he’d ever loved in his whole life. Something about her that was pure and beautiful was combined with this badass girl who could, and would, kick his ass if he let her. He needed her to remind him that life wasn’t all shit, and that sometimes it could be amazing; even when they were terrified and unhappy and the world was falling apart.

She didn’t love him.

He’d even explained to her the way that he saw God, and she hadn’t understood what he’d meant there. He’d meant she was holy in her actions, and that he wanted to be more like her. She was holy and kind and there was something, he couldn’t name it, but something about her.

“Ram?” He sat up, Varun was stood outside the partially open door. Ram’s response was taken as an invitation to come in.

His dad sat on the bed beside him; that face as worried as the night that Ram had admitted the entire story of his leg, that face that had taken him to match after match, that had encouraged and cajoled him to get better at his passions.

Ram shook his head. He felt his face crumple. “She doesn’t love me, dad.”

At once there was a mix of relief and pain on his dad’s face. “I’m sure she didn’t mean it.”

“No, dad, she was holding a rock that made her tell the truth.”

“Oh.”

Ram tried to smile, but the wetness in his eyes and the weakness of his quavering lips gave him away. His voice caught in his throat. He tried to swallow it down, bury it down with all the other shit. But he couldn’t. He couldn’t bury the fact that his heart had been ripped out, stepped on, completely crushed. Tears started their march down his face.

“Son-”

“What am I meant to do?” Ram looked up at his dad, vision blurred. “I don’t- she doesn’t love me.”

His dad didn’t even hesitate to pull Ram to his chest. The affection tore down the floodgates; Ram sobbed into his dad’s chest, clinging to him for dear life. He’d lost a girlfriend, a leg, and the only person that had made him feel like he wasn’t a freak.

“She doesn’t love me.”

**Author's Note:**

> Lana (LaVolieBlanche) wrote about her favourite Class characters post "Detained", so I wrote about mine. xoxo
> 
> ((Also please talk to me about Ram, please, anyone, please))


End file.
